SULAIMANI, Kurdistan Region – Kissing in public has suddenly turned into an issue in Iraqi Kurdistan, since a couple was charged with indecent behavior for kissing in a park and posting the picture online.
That kicked off a protest on Facebook, with like-minded couples posting their own kissing pictures. It also brought to light a smoldering conflict between the generations: Is kissing in public really haram – or forbidden -- in Islam?
“I have never seen my parents kiss each other, nor heard them declare their love,” said IT specialist Shivan, who is 27 and whose home in the Iraqi Kurdistan capital of Erbil is not so different from others.
In Kurdistan’s conservative and largely traditional society, family members of the opposite sex do not publicly display physical affection, and certainly do not kiss openly.
Yet, Kurdish society is changing. Young people travel, they watch foreign movies. And in many parks young couples are often seen sitting together.
Shivan knows many of them also kiss – mostly in secret. “Why should we continue lying in this way?” he exclaims. “This shows boys and girls are not free to express their feelings.”
The first kissers -- a local photographer and his European girlfriend – posted their picture online last month to protest the destruction of an abstract sculpture at Sulaimaini’s Freedom Park, depicting a kissing couple.
It is widely believed that radical Muslims were responsible for the damage. But the kissing duo says it did not aim the protest at them.
“It is a personal statement, that love cannot be demolished as easily as a statue,” they declared.
Although they were supported by artists, intellectuals and young Kurds, the couple was criticized strongly by Islamic politicians and imams, who say they are even considering an official complaint.
Islamic voices in Kurdistan claim that a kiss shared in public between a man and a woman is haram.
Media, a 28-year-old married schoolteacher in Sulaimani, agrees.
“People who respect others do not kiss in public. You have to respect our culture and traditions. You should not bother others with your life,” she says.
So does she agree with the imams that a kiss is the same as sex? “No, but it does lead to it. If couples can kiss in public, it will lead to sex.” She points out that according to Islam neither is allowed when a couple is not married, and therefore agrees that the protesting couple will be charged in court.
For sociologist and writer Rebwar Siwayli, the controversial kiss “visualizes the protest of the young generation against our conservative culture, and especially against the religious part of it.”
Siwayli, who teaches at Erbil’s Salahaddin University, is known in Iraqi Kurdistan for his book about love and relationships. He notes that the so called “French kiss” was introduced in Kurdistan only after it was seen in foreign movies. It is therefore called the “cinema kiss.”
“Culture and religion in Kurdistan have forbidden the kiss, as something that is only sensual, when it is not conducted in the right place,” Siwayli says. “The younger generation does not accept this anymore. They protest against the political Islam that describes every activity between a man and a woman as sexual.”
For that reason, couples now meet and kiss in the same park where the much-criticized picture was taken.
In a society that is booming economically and developing rapidly – but where so-called “honor killings” still happen when fathers and brothers hear daughters and sisters have been seen with a boy – it is no wonder that the kiss and its aftermath have become so controversial.
Siwayli calls kissing “simply part of life.” He charges those who started the latest discourse against it with a “lack of respect” towards people with a different opinion.
Kurdish society has to decide whether it wants to be part of modernity, “Because that is much more than just high rise buildings and computers,” he says. “There is no modernity without individual thinkers and rights. And at the moment there are no individual rights.”
That is why he sees a major role for politicians and leaders in Kurdistan. “Only with their support can Kurdistan become a more open society.” Yet, he is not optimistic. “Our politicians are even more conservative than the imams. I wonder who leads our region, rational politicians or religious men?” he asks.
Shivan hopes the protest action will continue and grow to fight the taboos, and vows to do his part.
“I will kiss my girlfriend in front of my family,” he promises after giving the matter some thought.”But only a kiss, of course, no more,” he laughs.
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